Last night was fun. We were young again. My wife and I talked about what it would be like if we didn’t have kids, and how much time and freedom we used to have before we had kids…but then sighed and, “But isn’t life so much richer with them?”.

My wife asked me this morning what I liked most about being 30. I said it was that I felt complete. I have a wife who I’m crazy in love with and whom I would rather spend my time with than anyone else I can think of. I have two beautiful daughters with so much personality it makes me laugh, a wonderful home, terrific neighbors, a job I enjoy very much, a church I’m honored to serve and be a part of, and I am loved by God. As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t get much better than this.

I know that success can be defined in several different ways, but I feel very successful. Not to say that I’ve done all this, because I haven’t. I’ve been blessed in an amazing series of events all orchestrated by God to write my story, I cannot, and do not take credit for any of my successes. I credit them all to the redemptive work of Jesus Christ in my life. I credit all of it to Him.

I have so much to say, and as I sit down at the keyboard it starts to come pouring out, but let me first say what I sat down to write: As far as I’m concerned, anything I could gain in this world I already have. A loving family, a roof over my head, a job I enjoy, and a church that believes in the transformative power of Jesus Christ. I don’t think there’s much else. In the words of Johnny Carson: The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

But enough about that. The point is, that I’m satisfied. As I wrote in a previous post a long time ago, if my name means nothing but the father of Hannah and Norah, and loving husband to Meagan, that is sufficient, and that is my fulfillment. I don’t want to hear arguments about my needs, because I know they exist, and I tend to them, but the point is, I’m not blinded by any dreams of material gains. I’m at peace with where we are, regardless of our finances and material possessions. I’m happy to have these days.

Make it count.

About a year and a half ago my wife and I were taking a walk around our town home community with our, then 2 year old daughter. The weather was beautiful so an older man was sitting on his front porch and struck up a conversation with us. We talked for a few minutes, and while we were talking he looked at me, put his hand on my shoulder and said the following:

I know you didn’t ask for my opinion in parenting, but I’m gonna give it to you. Make it count. Enjoy every moment you have with them when they’re little, because when you get to be my age, you’re gonna look back and wish you would have. You’re gonna wish you spent less time at the office and more time being with them when they were growing up, when they wanted to be with you.

My daughter’s grown now, and she’s got a daughter who’s a little older than yours. She started school this year, and I just happened to be there for her first day of school. She wanted me to walk her to the school bus, so I did.

We were all standing there when the school bus pulled up and she excitedly ran up to the bus, then stopped, turned around to wave bye… [he then begins to tear up]

…and I saw my daughter standing there, at five years old, getting on the school bus for the first time…

I’m tellin’ ya man, make it count. ‘Cause you never get those years back.

I’m 30 years old today. I have two beautiful daughters, and a wife I am in love with.

We have dance parties in the living room, we color and do crafts together. We make big breakfasts on Saturday mornings and our daughters lick the spoon. We make it count.

If I’m not living the dream…I don’t know what is.

I didn’t want to give my life over to him, to fully submit to Him the future of my family and my children. I didn’t even realize I was doing it, but I was keeping them from Him, as if  I could provide for them better than He could; as if the life I had for us was better than the one he had prepared. The first time I realized this, I didn’t know what to do with it. So I sought the root problem of why I didn’t trust God, and as it turns out, I didn’t believe that God was good, I was afraid he would send me where I did not want to go, and make my life miserable to teach me about himself in ways I did not want to learn.

It was a sobering realization that I didn’t know God the way I thought I did; a confirmation that I don’t have it all together spiritually.

I was talking to a friend of mine about it and told him about how I was hesitant to trust God because of what that meant, and how that really shook me up that I didn’t understand God in that way. His advice was so full of common sense and such a logical approach to faith, that it was impossible not to take it.

Why don’t you and your wife commit to praying about this. Ask him to show you himself and show you his goodness.

And that’s basically where it started.

A new understanding

God is supreme

Everything that exists on this earth was made by Him, for His glory and purpose. That’s just the way it is. Some people might say that God shouldn’t have the ability to do with us what he pleases, but the fact of the matter is that if they even begin from the presupposition that he is God, then they’re cutting off the branch they’re sitting on. I don’t care to debate this. My point is: God is God, he is the ultimate power, there is nothing higher than him, no other power above him, so whatever He says goes.

But he gives us a will, and freedom. Even the angels had a choice. And even some of them chose to rebel. I think this again speaks to the fact that he doesn’t want mindless robots, he wants a response of faith, loyalty, he wants us to see that he is a God worth our allegiance.

God is gracious.

Throughout history, God has invited us in to his plan and purpose. The bible is replete with examples of God showing himself to his people, then trying to remind them of how he showed himself. We easily forget, yet he is gracious with us when we do. He knows our weaknesses, our tendencies, he understands that we will forget, that’s why in the bible the phrase “Remember” is used so much.

How quickly we forget, and how frequently he forgives. We’re like babies sometimes, forgetting about him as soon as our attention is drawn elsewhere. yet he forgives.

God is love.

God loved the world so much, that he gave his only begotten Son, to become a baby, to live with us, to have bad days, and colds and heartaches. To be fully human and deal with everything that comes with it. To give up all the power in the world, to live 34 years on this fallen world, and be killed, then rise again in order to defeat everything that is broken in it.

God is love, any true form of love is a testament to the presence of God in our lives on this earth. The hope that we have, is his presence. And not just Christians, unbelievers too. He is present in all of our lives, constantly providing a way to himself, if you only begin to look. That’s why hell is so frightening, it’s more than likely not made up of fire, red demons and pitchforks. It’s the complete and utter separation from God, which no human has ever known on this earth.

And that is love. To provide yourself, your love, your forgiveness, your hand of comfort, to those who do not love you, even to those who hate you.

God is good.

I believe that now. And as much of my spiritual discovery has been, it wasn’t through ah-ha moments, but through simple things that happen then set in until all of a sudden I’m in tears about how wonderful He is.

I am against abortion. I stand against it because, as Mother Theresa said, “It is a poverty, that a child should die so that you and I may live as we wish.” For the same reason I believe we must act to save lives, to preserve hope in others. As a Christ Follower, it is my responsibility to care for the orphans of the world. I believe that one day, we will come to judgment, and in this day, we must answer to the gray areas that we rationalized in order to ease our conscience. This is what I believe.

I’ve stood by the war in Iraq, for the freedom of an oppressed country; but is it right? I don’t know much about it all, except that Saddam was a Tyrant, and shouldn’t be in power, but somehow tyrants always do rise to power don’t they? Whether it’s right or not that we’re at war in Iraq, American soldiers are still in miserable conditions and putting their lives on the line every day.

Thousands of American lives have been lost in Iraq. This number didn’t bother me until today. Many parents lost their children in this war. The trauma that war inflicts on soldiers is nothing to take lightly either. Families have been ruined because of this war. I’m not saying I think the war is wrong, but I don’t want to shrug off the effect that it is having on households around our country. Today I was listening to Derek Webb’s “Love is Not Against the Law” song, when the line “Are we defending life, when we just pick and choose, lives acceptable to lose, and which ones to defend…” shook me.

I guess the point of all this is simple: Just because a person volunteers to go into the military and serve his country, does not mean that country can justify his death by the fact that he signed up. He signed up in good faith that the people of his country would not waste his life, and devastate his family for a war that is not a righteous, justified cause.

To whoever stumbles upon this thought and wants to drop me a note about the war and politics and what-not, you’ve obviously missed the point. The point is that life is sacred, and should be protected. And so, while I believe in defense, I will protest the sword if it is not wielded well. I am now called to examine this, no longer as an American, but as a Christian.

Traveling for me is always something that makes me nervous…I guess it’s the unknown. The winter is also difficult, with the short days, but I’m feeling more and more hopeful and bright. My work in the basement is drawing to a close…slowly but surely, and I’m enjoying work more than I ever have.

I’m feeling more and more at peace with my security with God, even now I’m not as worried about my health as I was previously. All in all, things are going well, and I’m feeling better.

Also, if you’re using Internet Explorer, you will see a notice at the top of the site…download Firefox and use it. Internet Explorer is a pigheaded browser and should be shot. It ignores many very common conventions of the web and makes things really frustrating for web developers. Get Firefox, it’s way better, faster, and more secure.

Tonight I was thinking about the story of Naaman from 2 Kings 5. Naaman was a great soldier, and well respected by his king (the king of Aram), but he was a leper. He went to the king of Israel because he heard he could be healed by a prophet, then Elisha told him to wash in the Joradan River seven times. He thought the idea was rediculous and was about to go back to Aram when his servants encouraged him saying:

“had the prophet told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more then, when he says to you, ‘Wash, and be clean’?”

He washed in the Jordan and was healed.

His healing was from his act of faith — but to wash seven times. If he had washed 2 or 3 times, gotten fed up and left, he would not have been healed.

I believe that God is making me stronger through my suffering, or calling me to trust in him, to depend on him. I have not dipped seven times in the river.

I am not through with this pain, because I have not learned what it is he wants to teach me. Not yet.

Links to Follow: The story of Naaman | Streams in the Desert Article

It was a grandiose idea. We were young and passionate and eager to be used for God’s Kingdom; We didn’t know what that looked like, but we figured it was big, so why not be missionaries? I mean, that’s big right? That trip went much differently than we thought it would go. And ended especially more so. And to be honest, I’m still not entirely sure what it was about. But we learned from it.

When I was in another country, researching to find out if it was feasible for us to live there and prepare a cross-cultural training ground, I was facing down several challenges that were all new to me.

1. The people spoke a different language
2. They people were from a different culture
3. The people were entirely ignorant of the gospel of Christ, and to them, Christian was literally a reference to their enemies.
4. I had no experience doing any of this

As mentioned previously, we were young and eager, but somewhat naive. Being there felt so heavy and so overwhelming that I remember realizing the following:

I traveled half-way across the world to be used for God’s Kingdom, and I don’t even know my own neighbor’s name.

When our plane landed in the states, I remember thinking, “If I can do it there, I can do it here. I’ve got to be more intentional about the way I live.”

So weeks go by, I get busy, I forget. I continue on with life, as we all do, going from day to day, without thinking about my direct community. Then (four years later) I start looking through one of my old journals, I see my notes from after we got back from our trip. In the margins of church notes I scribbled: To be a Christian is to be a missionary.

The point is, I believe Christ has a plan to redeem all things. And he has invited us to be part of this process. Missionaries are the ones who are seen as being involved the most. But why just them? Isn’t it on all of us? The question kept coming up in my mind again and again:

If I believe that Christ really does have the ability to change the world, that He brings about world change, how is my world changing?

And that’s the question I want to intentionally ask myself. How is my world changing? If the answer is: it isn’t. Then maybe I’m not doing something right.

Matthew 5

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’⁴⁴ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?

A friend of mine was in the Army, he was in the 147th Airborne Division and spent about a year in Iraq. He’s taking his wife and two very small children on an investigatory trip to a very divided country in order to see if they should commit their lives to the mission field. We were discussing this when it led to talking about travel, and subsequently, his time in Iraq. We got on the subject of infantry, insurgence, and eventually, the enemy. He said that as a Christian, he had always heard and talked about loving his enemy. He described his experiences, “It was really surreal to think that someone was trying to kill me, and he had never seen me before. It was my literal enemy, and I realized what it meant to love my enemy.”

While I was talking to him, I thought about what an incredible message this is that Christ has for us, and how deliberate he is to teach his followers to forgive, to be better, to make the world a better place by not carrying hatred around, instead, using love and forgiveness to truly change the world.

My friend went on to say, “I realized then that Christ truly is the only thing that could bring change to our world…our efforts to bring change are really only mitigating the damage.”

The change of hearts is a battle that can’t be won by slick diplomacy or wars, it’s changed from the inside, from the heart. What does it mean to pray for your enemy? To consider their best interest? To want to see them experience the same liberation from the bonds of hatred that you yourself have received, and imagine them experiencing it?. Think about this scenario with imagination. Consider the conflicts that you are aware of on the global theatre, consider those in your own life.

What does this mean to you? Christ’s words are more than just suggestions and a few good ideas. They are instructions on how to live the kingdom life, that is, how to bring heaven to earth. To live as transformed beings, in the midst of a failing and futile humanity.

Christs message is redemption. God wants to redeem this world from its broken state, and it is available now. As he put it, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand.”

To accept the things I cannot change…

Courage to change the things I can,

And Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will.

That I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

- Reinhold Neibuhr

Independence, the house that started our search.

The house was a dud; it was in rough shape and needed tons of updates. But it made us realize we wanted a house, so we got our house ready, put it on the market, and waited.

For a year.

Through that process there were so many times I asked God to sell our house, and it didn’t happen. I begged and pleaded with God to bring us a buyer, or make it clear that we were supposed to stay. It was such a frustrating emotional time, wanting to move on, but not being able to. So much so in fact, that we stopped looking at houses that were for sale altogether, because without a contract on our home, moving wasn’t a reality.

I didn’t understand why we couldn’t sell our house, until now.

About 3 weeks ago, we signed the contract to sell our house. For 3k less than what my “bottom line” was for the last year. A week after that we were out and about looking at homes. We had been watching one specific home for the last year as it’s price dropped. We didn’t even know it was now in our price range until about a week previous to house hunting. We looked at 6 houses the first day, and none of them seriously compared to Locksley (the house we wanted). So we put an offer on the house the next day.

The house had been on the market for 405 days at the time of the offer, and what do you know, there was another offer on the table. So, we offered our best, and after days of deliberation from the seller, we got the contract. We close on the new house on June 14th.

405 days. That’s a little longer than how long we waited to sell our house, how long we wanted a buyer so that we could find another house to fit our growing family. I don’t think it’s coincidence. God knew how long we needed to wait to get the house that was perfect for us, the house that we dreamed of and never thought would be a reality. We had no idea, and we would’ve been just as happy to make mud pies in the slums [C.S. Lewis reference, google it], but He had something better, more than we could have imagined in store.

Needless to say, we’re super excited about having a new home. We’re even more excited to be buying a beautiful house where all our rooms are together on the second floor, where our kids can play safely in the fenced in back yard, and where my wife can see them play from the kitchen (she has always wanted a kitchen window that looked over the back yard so she could keep an eye on the kids).

But more than excited, we feel overwhelmed with blessing. I feel undeserving of the great house that we’re getting, undeserving of the life we have. I’ve prayed continually that God will help me to hold these things loosely and be ready to give them up for his cause at a moment’s notice. I ask Him to teach me and help me to steward what he’s given me, and to always let it be used for his kingdom.

So without further ado, I present to you, Our new house:

It's on a street named Locksley in a neighborhood called "Nottingham Forest". Nope, I'm not making that up.

I heard this song the other day. It literally moved me to tears. The lyrics are true and beautiful. At the end of the song, the lyrics change to “Father Lead me…”:

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I’m called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won’t You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can’t
Don’t want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I’ll show them I’m willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone

Sometimes I’m tempted to hurry my day along to get to the things that I want to do, things I never have time for. For my own time. My daughter is two right now, and she’ll only be two for a year. I have little time with her considering I work all day, and come home for a few precious hours before she goes to sleep. In reading Phillipians, I came across this verse which I felt echoes what I want to be my desire:

But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.

Philippians 2:17

Even if I am to be poured out, for my name to mean nothing to anyone but my daughters, my wife and my friends. To have no notoriety in the world, it’s worth it for my family to know they are beautiful, valuable, and worth giving up everything for. But I can’t do that alone. I have to tap into the power source so far greater than myself to achieve that goal.