One of Jesus’ most well-known parables is the story of the prodigal son (If you know the story, skip to paragraph 3). In the story, a father has two sons. The youngest of which asks his father for an early inheritance – all the money he would receive if his father were to die. He then takes the money and lives a brief and lush lifestyle until he has spent it all. In the story he realizes that he is less than a hired hand in his father’s household, and decides to return and request that his father treat him as an outsider seeking employment. When he is a long way off, his father sees him coming. The father runs to him, kisses him and welcomes him home. He then calls to his servants to prepare a feast with the finest of their livestock because his son is home and has returned, there is to be a celebration.

The older son was busy working in the field and as he was coming home heard the party. When he found out what the ruckus was about he became angry. He had been loyal to his father, he had never disrespected him, and could not join in the celebration. The father speaks to the son about his anger and says, “…we should be glad and celebrate! Your brother was dead, but he is now alive. He was lost and has now been found.”

In this story, the father is like God, who accepts us regardless of our actions and loves us consistently and unconditionally. We are one of the two sons. Often times, the focus is on the prodigal son who goes off and lives a lavish and foolish lifestyle, but how often are we like the older son who is unwilling to accept the grace given by the father?

It’s often easier for me to accept God’s grace for others than it is to accept God’s grace for myself. Maybe you’re the same way. Maybe you get too caught up, like I do, in self-loathing about your failings and shortcomings to realize that God accepts you where you are and wants to work with you now.

It is never our sin that keeps us from God. It’s our self-righteousness – our unwillingness to accept his grace, either because we think we don’t need it, or because we think we don’t deserve it.

In his book, the Good and Beautiful God, James Ryan Smith shares this poem by George Herbert, I’ve replaced the word Love with the word God to make it clear what this poem is referring to.

God bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back,
Guilty of dust and sin.
But quick-ey’d God, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning
If I lack’d anything.

“A guest,” I answer’d, “worthy to be here”;
God said, “You shall be he.”
“I, the unkind, the ungrateful? ah my dear,
I cannot look on thee.”
God took my hand and smiling did reply,
“Who made the eyes but I?”

“Truth, Lord, but I have marr’d them; let my shame
Go where it doth deserve.”
“And know you not,” says God, “who bore the blame?”
“My dear, then I will serve.”
“You must sit down,” says God, “and taste my meat.”
So I did sit and eat.

- Love III, by George Herbert

Rest…

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

- Matthew 11:28

Being in the presence of Jesus is truly rest for your soul. He is a stable craft in the stormy sea. We learn first from him, and he changes us to be more like himself, to be more like God.

God wants to set things right. God wants to welcome us in to dine with him. It is not our sin, but our self-righteousness that keeps us from God. He forgives the sin, but cannot force you to accept his grace. He freely offers it, but only you can accept it.

Or so I once thought.

About a year ago I decided that I needed to incorporate some type of fitness routine into my life. I had tried running and hated it, I tried going to the gym and participating in a class and was embarrassingly  out of shape. I tried just using the equipment at the YMCA and was terrifically bored, not to mention out of place and confused. Then along came CrossFit.

I woke up today at 5:15am. I rolled out of bed and put on my workout clothes. After drinking my cup of coffee, a glass of water, and a piece of bread with peanut butter, I drove the 15 or so miles to our local CrossFit affiliate.

Today I set a new record for my back squat at 215lbs and I did 100 pull-ups in under 10 minutes.

I never thought of myself as “the type of person who would get up early”, or “the type of person to do CrossFit”. But I am. And I’m loving it.

This experience has helped me to look at my surroundings, and my self-imposed labels, and see that my character and behaviors are not in line with the self-imposed labels I had. I am a good husband, a good father, a responsible adult, I manage my money responsibly and sacrifice the things I want for the things I need. I work hard, and try to do the best job I can. I eat healthy foods, and I workout several days a week, half of that time is before the sun rises.

CrossFit has changed the way I see myself, and the way I see fitness. The workouts we do at CrossFit, we do together. Each person to his own ability, we compete against the clock, against ourselves, and against our previous records. We are unified in the goal of progress and self-betterment. To be really cliche’, CrossFit has not only changed the way I look, it has changed the way I look at my challenges.

Some videos of CrossFit show only the top-tier athletes and how hardcore it is, this video really speaks to the spirit of CrossFit.

Last night was fun. We were young again. My wife and I talked about what it would be like if we didn’t have kids, and how much time and freedom we used to have before we had kids…but then sighed and, “But isn’t life so much richer with them?”.

My wife asked me this morning what I liked most about being 30. I said it was that I felt complete. I have a wife who I’m crazy in love with and whom I would rather spend my time with than anyone else I can think of. I have two beautiful daughters with so much personality it makes me laugh, a wonderful home, terrific neighbors, a job I enjoy very much, a church I’m honored to serve and be a part of, and I am loved by God. As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t get much better than this.

I know that success can be defined in several different ways, but I feel very successful. Not to say that I’ve done all this, because I haven’t. I’ve been blessed in an amazing series of events all orchestrated by God to write my story, I cannot, and do not take credit for any of my successes. I credit them all to the redemptive work of Jesus Christ in my life. I credit all of it to Him.

I have so much to say, and as I sit down at the keyboard it starts to come pouring out, but let me first say what I sat down to write: As far as I’m concerned, anything I could gain in this world I already have. A loving family, a roof over my head, a job I enjoy, and a church that believes in the transformative power of Jesus Christ. I don’t think there’s much else. In the words of Johnny Carson: The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

But enough about that. The point is, that I’m satisfied. As I wrote in a previous post a long time ago, if my name means nothing but the father of Hannah and Norah, and loving husband to Meagan, that is sufficient, and that is my fulfillment. I don’t want to hear arguments about my needs, because I know they exist, and I tend to them, but the point is, I’m not blinded by any dreams of material gains. I’m at peace with where we are, regardless of our finances and material possessions. I’m happy to have these days.

Make it count.

About a year and a half ago my wife and I were taking a walk around our town home community with our, then 2 year old daughter. The weather was beautiful so an older man was sitting on his front porch and struck up a conversation with us. We talked for a few minutes, and while we were talking he looked at me, put his hand on my shoulder and said the following:

I know you didn’t ask for my opinion in parenting, but I’m gonna give it to you. Make it count. Enjoy every moment you have with them when they’re little, because when you get to be my age, you’re gonna look back and wish you would have. You’re gonna wish you spent less time at the office and more time being with them when they were growing up, when they wanted to be with you.

My daughter’s grown now, and she’s got a daughter who’s a little older than yours. She started school this year, and I just happened to be there for her first day of school. She wanted me to walk her to the school bus, so I did.

We were all standing there when the school bus pulled up and she excitedly ran up to the bus, then stopped, turned around to wave bye… [he then begins to tear up]

…and I saw my daughter standing there, at five years old, getting on the school bus for the first time…

I’m tellin’ ya man, make it count. ‘Cause you never get those years back.

I’m 30 years old today. I have two beautiful daughters, and a wife I am in love with.

We have dance parties in the living room, we color and do crafts together. We make big breakfasts on Saturday mornings and our daughters lick the spoon. We make it count.

If I’m not living the dream…I don’t know what is.

In 2006, a friend of mine asked me if while I had a break over the summer I wouldn’t mind helping his boss at a sign shop while he was on vacation.  With my background in graphics, he thought it would be a good fit for me to help for the week. I did, then got offered a job, then worked there for the next year.

In 2007, I thought I might want to be an engineer, so I started going to school for it. Meanwhile I got a job at an engineering company, using my graphic design degree as a graphic technician. I worked with their proprietary software and code syntax and got very good at it. I enjoyed this part of the job more than anything else and quickly realized that being an engineer wasn’t what I wanted to do. I dropped my Math classes and discontinued the 6 year path toward an engineering degree.

In 2008 I started attending a new church where my wife joined a pregnant women’s group. For a long time I had been interested in making websites and wanted to do it more often, but had never found an avenue to make an income at it. When my wife told me that one of the women in her group’s husband was a web developer I jumped at the chance to pick his brain. A few months later, he offered me a job. The job I currently have, I love. Every day I enjoy my work.

1. Will Power

Obviously, the biggest difficulty in choosing not to eat out is the choice. We’ve found that the times we’re tempted the most is when we’re tired, near restaurants where it’s convenient, or it’s getting late and we aren’t about to be home to take care of dinner. Especially with a child, the thought of getting home and feeding the little one, then getting her bathed and in bed can be a little overwhelming. Sometimes it takes a little extra umph on the will power side of things.

2. Cash Budget

Having envelopes devoted specifically to food helps keep you from overspending. It also provides a visual representation of how much money you have left, and with some simple calculations, how many more times you can eat out. It reminds you that your finances are limited.

It also helps balance the rest of your budget, because it keeps you from spending the money that’s intended for gas or housing.

3. Planning Meals out in advance

My wife is a stay at home mom, she does a great job of planning our meals. She offers these tips for planning ahead:

1. Make a Calendar of what you will eat throughout the week/month.
   • It’s easier to stay on your cash budget for groceries because you know what you will need.
   • It takes away the work of deciding what to cook. You essentially spend one day planning all the meals instead of every day thinking about what you’re going to make.
   • It’s easier to prepare the meal because at 8am you know what you’re going to make for dinner.
2. Take Inventory of what you need to purchase before you go grocery shopping
   • This enables you to have everything you need to make the meal before the day starts, eliminating the hassle of having to run to the store to get something, or not having what you need and adding to the frustration of cooking at home.
3. Find meals that you can make extra and heat up later
   • We make Black bean and corn burritos that are easy to heat up and make later, use paper plates to further eliminate the hassle of dish washing.
   • Spaghetti is another good one for reheating (it’s also pretty cheap and easy to make).
4. Finish preparing the meal at dinner time (or at least have it started)
   • The main reason for this is that you’ve already committed to dinner at home if you’re most of the way into it. It removes the temptation to take the easy route and order pizza.

Independence, the house that started our search.

The house was a dud; it was in rough shape and needed tons of updates. But it made us realize we wanted a house, so we got our house ready, put it on the market, and waited.

For a year.

Through that process there were so many times I asked God to sell our house, and it didn’t happen. I begged and pleaded with God to bring us a buyer, or make it clear that we were supposed to stay. It was such a frustrating emotional time, wanting to move on, but not being able to. So much so in fact, that we stopped looking at houses that were for sale altogether, because without a contract on our home, moving wasn’t a reality.

I didn’t understand why we couldn’t sell our house, until now.

About 3 weeks ago, we signed the contract to sell our house. For 3k less than what my “bottom line” was for the last year. A week after that we were out and about looking at homes. We had been watching one specific home for the last year as it’s price dropped. We didn’t even know it was now in our price range until about a week previous to house hunting. We looked at 6 houses the first day, and none of them seriously compared to Locksley (the house we wanted). So we put an offer on the house the next day.

The house had been on the market for 405 days at the time of the offer, and what do you know, there was another offer on the table. So, we offered our best, and after days of deliberation from the seller, we got the contract. We close on the new house on June 14th.

405 days. That’s a little longer than how long we waited to sell our house, how long we wanted a buyer so that we could find another house to fit our growing family. I don’t think it’s coincidence. God knew how long we needed to wait to get the house that was perfect for us, the house that we dreamed of and never thought would be a reality. We had no idea, and we would’ve been just as happy to make mud pies in the slums [C.S. Lewis reference, google it], but He had something better, more than we could have imagined in store.

Needless to say, we’re super excited about having a new home. We’re even more excited to be buying a beautiful house where all our rooms are together on the second floor, where our kids can play safely in the fenced in back yard, and where my wife can see them play from the kitchen (she has always wanted a kitchen window that looked over the back yard so she could keep an eye on the kids).

But more than excited, we feel overwhelmed with blessing. I feel undeserving of the great house that we’re getting, undeserving of the life we have. I’ve prayed continually that God will help me to hold these things loosely and be ready to give them up for his cause at a moment’s notice. I ask Him to teach me and help me to steward what he’s given me, and to always let it be used for his kingdom.

So without further ado, I present to you, Our new house:

It's on a street named Locksley in a neighborhood called "Nottingham Forest". Nope, I'm not making that up.

A few days ago we went out to Dairy Queen to grab a treat and the car was full. Hannah and Norah were both in the back of our station wagon, and my wife and I were up front. We had all the necessary gear to keep the kids entertained and happy while we were driving and were enjoying our time together. We have a full family now, all four of us together. I’m very excited about this, I feel very lucky to have my girls and honored to be their father.

My first child, Hannah is 2 years and three months and is very headstrong, but she can also be very responsible. I’m excited about the role she now plays in her little sister’s life, and though she’s still challenging at times, she is what we prayed for all along. A daughter who would be strong and independent, to not be easily swayed by peer pressure. She is confident and spunky, and that’s what I have to remember in the challenging moments.

Our new baby, though we don’t know her very well so far, seems to be very laid back. We keep waiting for things to get difficult, but she seems fairly content to go where we go and live how we live. She is really easy so far, which isn’t what we’re used to. I’m excited to see them grow up together.

It’s been over a month and we haven’t had one person come to see our house. This past week my wife and I have both resolved to stay, and I’m ok with that. It is the case that when you want something, if you wait, the desire subsides and appreciation for the conservative path emerges. In this case: staying in our current house.

I put a years worth of work into this house. For a full year, from three months before my daughter was born until three months before her first birthday, I would come home, and every night spend 2-4 hours working in my basement; framing walls, pulling electrical cable, laying insulation, hanging drywall, flooring and painting.

It’s been almost a year since I finished, and we are going to have a baby in October. In hindsight, it makes me very glad I put all that time and energy into adding this space. We are now at a place we weren’t before (with regards to square footage/rooms).

I love our home, I love our neighbors and our neighborhood, and it’s pretty cheap. I’m happy here, there’s a huge yard for my daughter to run and play, we can take walks through the neighborhood in the evenings, and enjoy the ease of not maintaining the yard.

This whole process of putting our house up for sell has been far different than I anticipated, and surprisingly emotional. It’s taken me on an interesting journey, and is currently about being happy with what I have.

I’m now finding myself able yo relate to them more than I realized even today. Our home has been on the market since Monday (7 days at this writing) and hasn’t had any activity at all. To make matters worse, there are 8 homes for sale in my subdivision alone.

It’s easy to become discouraged with the situation, especially when I find a house that I like but am unable to have any bargaining power b/c my house isn’t close to selling. Last night I saw a nice home at a very nice price (looks like it was a foreclosure property) and was filled with an insatiable sense of urgency and desire. I told my wife, “I can’t know about these things. When I can’t do anything. It makes me so frustrated.” She replied, “Well, who do you need to be talking to about it?”

Good advice.

This is not to say that the house I like won’t sell while we’re waiting for ours to sell, but it does mean that this is yet another opportunity to grow in my dependence, trust, and knowledge of God.

He is in control of this situation, and even though I wish I could see him a little clearer sometimes, I know that he’s with us and have to trust him. That is how our earliest biblical leaders were taught to live, and it still applies today.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6