I didn’t want to give my life over to him, to fully submit to Him the future of my family and my children. I didn’t even realize I was doing it, but I was keeping them from Him, as if  I could provide for them better than He could; as if the life I had for us was better than the one he had prepared. The first time I realized this, I didn’t know what to do with it. So I sought the root problem of why I didn’t trust God, and as it turns out, I didn’t believe that God was good, I was afraid he would send me where I did not want to go, and make my life miserable to teach me about himself in ways I did not want to learn.

It was a sobering realization that I didn’t know God the way I thought I did; a confirmation that I don’t have it all together spiritually.

I was talking to a friend of mine about it and told him about how I was hesitant to trust God because of what that meant, and how that really shook me up that I didn’t understand God in that way. His advice was so full of common sense and such a logical approach to faith, that it was impossible not to take it.

Why don’t you and your wife commit to praying about this. Ask him to show you himself and show you his goodness.

And that’s basically where it started.

A new understanding

God is supreme

Everything that exists on this earth was made by Him, for His glory and purpose. That’s just the way it is. Some people might say that God shouldn’t have the ability to do with us what he pleases, but the fact of the matter is that if they even begin from the presupposition that he is God, then they’re cutting off the branch they’re sitting on. I don’t care to debate this. My point is: God is God, he is the ultimate power, there is nothing higher than him, no other power above him, so whatever He says goes.

But he gives us a will, and freedom. Even the angels had a choice. And even some of them chose to rebel. I think this again speaks to the fact that he doesn’t want mindless robots, he wants a response of faith, loyalty, he wants us to see that he is a God worth our allegiance.

God is gracious.

Throughout history, God has invited us in to his plan and purpose. The bible is replete with examples of God showing himself to his people, then trying to remind them of how he showed himself. We easily forget, yet he is gracious with us when we do. He knows our weaknesses, our tendencies, he understands that we will forget, that’s why in the bible the phrase “Remember” is used so much.

How quickly we forget, and how frequently he forgives. We’re like babies sometimes, forgetting about him as soon as our attention is drawn elsewhere. yet he forgives.

God is love.

God loved the world so much, that he gave his only begotten Son, to become a baby, to live with us, to have bad days, and colds and heartaches. To be fully human and deal with everything that comes with it. To give up all the power in the world, to live 34 years on this fallen world, and be killed, then rise again in order to defeat everything that is broken in it.

God is love, any true form of love is a testament to the presence of God in our lives on this earth. The hope that we have, is his presence. And not just Christians, unbelievers too. He is present in all of our lives, constantly providing a way to himself, if you only begin to look. That’s why hell is so frightening, it’s more than likely not made up of fire, red demons and pitchforks. It’s the complete and utter separation from God, which no human has ever known on this earth.

And that is love. To provide yourself, your love, your forgiveness, your hand of comfort, to those who do not love you, even to those who hate you.

God is good.

I believe that now. And as much of my spiritual discovery has been, it wasn’t through ah-ha moments, but through simple things that happen then set in until all of a sudden I’m in tears about how wonderful He is.

In 2006, a friend of mine asked me if while I had a break over the summer I wouldn’t mind helping his boss at a sign shop while he was on vacation.  With my background in graphics, he thought it would be a good fit for me to help for the week. I did, then got offered a job, then worked there for the next year.

In 2007, I thought I might want to be an engineer, so I started going to school for it. Meanwhile I got a job at an engineering company, using my graphic design degree as a graphic technician. I worked with their proprietary software and code syntax and got very good at it. I enjoyed this part of the job more than anything else and quickly realized that being an engineer wasn’t what I wanted to do. I dropped my Math classes and discontinued the 6 year path toward an engineering degree.

In 2008 I started attending a new church where my wife joined a pregnant women’s group. For a long time I had been interested in making websites and wanted to do it more often, but had never found an avenue to make an income at it. When my wife told me that one of the women in her group’s husband was a web developer I jumped at the chance to pick his brain. A few months later, he offered me a job. The job I currently have, I love. Every day I enjoy my work.

Independence, the house that started our search.

The house was a dud; it was in rough shape and needed tons of updates. But it made us realize we wanted a house, so we got our house ready, put it on the market, and waited.

For a year.

Through that process there were so many times I asked God to sell our house, and it didn’t happen. I begged and pleaded with God to bring us a buyer, or make it clear that we were supposed to stay. It was such a frustrating emotional time, wanting to move on, but not being able to. So much so in fact, that we stopped looking at houses that were for sale altogether, because without a contract on our home, moving wasn’t a reality.

I didn’t understand why we couldn’t sell our house, until now.

About 3 weeks ago, we signed the contract to sell our house. For 3k less than what my “bottom line” was for the last year. A week after that we were out and about looking at homes. We had been watching one specific home for the last year as it’s price dropped. We didn’t even know it was now in our price range until about a week previous to house hunting. We looked at 6 houses the first day, and none of them seriously compared to Locksley (the house we wanted). So we put an offer on the house the next day.

The house had been on the market for 405 days at the time of the offer, and what do you know, there was another offer on the table. So, we offered our best, and after days of deliberation from the seller, we got the contract. We close on the new house on June 14th.

405 days. That’s a little longer than how long we waited to sell our house, how long we wanted a buyer so that we could find another house to fit our growing family. I don’t think it’s coincidence. God knew how long we needed to wait to get the house that was perfect for us, the house that we dreamed of and never thought would be a reality. We had no idea, and we would’ve been just as happy to make mud pies in the slums [C.S. Lewis reference, google it], but He had something better, more than we could have imagined in store.

Needless to say, we’re super excited about having a new home. We’re even more excited to be buying a beautiful house where all our rooms are together on the second floor, where our kids can play safely in the fenced in back yard, and where my wife can see them play from the kitchen (she has always wanted a kitchen window that looked over the back yard so she could keep an eye on the kids).

But more than excited, we feel overwhelmed with blessing. I feel undeserving of the great house that we’re getting, undeserving of the life we have. I’ve prayed continually that God will help me to hold these things loosely and be ready to give them up for his cause at a moment’s notice. I ask Him to teach me and help me to steward what he’s given me, and to always let it be used for his kingdom.

So without further ado, I present to you, Our new house:

It's on a street named Locksley in a neighborhood called "Nottingham Forest". Nope, I'm not making that up.