I heard this song the other day. It literally moved me to tears. The lyrics are true and beautiful. At the end of the song, the lyrics change to “Father Lead me…”:

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I’m called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won’t You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can’t
Don’t want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I’ll show them I’m willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone

Sometimes I’m tempted to hurry my day along to get to the things that I want to do, things I never have time for. For my own time. My daughter is two right now, and she’ll only be two for a year. I have little time with her considering I work all day, and come home for a few precious hours before she goes to sleep. In reading Phillipians, I came across this verse which I felt echoes what I want to be my desire:

But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.

Philippians 2:17

Even if I am to be poured out, for my name to mean nothing to anyone but my daughters, my wife and my friends. To have no notoriety in the world, it’s worth it for my family to know they are beautiful, valuable, and worth giving up everything for. But I can’t do that alone. I have to tap into the power source so far greater than myself to achieve that goal.

As I’m walking around straightening up, I’m thinking, “Why have I not just developed the habit of being good at picking up after myself and keeping a clean house?”

In answering that question, I realize that is something I want to change about myself. I don’t want to be a better housekeeper, although that would make both my wife and
my house happy. I want to be better at following through, at not “doing later”, I want to be a man of action.

Putting things off because they seem too hard or exhaust my mental and emotional energy just thinking about them isn’t going to get me anywhere. I have to do the things I need to do now, or they will never get done. For some people, putting things off might work fine, but not for me.

For the next 60 days, we’re going to have our house on the market. For the next 60 days, I’m going to try to be aware of myself, to not put things off, to recognize when I am, and to write about it when I do.

Wish me luck.

I especially loved the takeaway at the end.

Matthew 5

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’⁴⁴ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?

A friend of mine was in the Army, he was in the 147th Airborne Division and spent about a year in Iraq. He’s taking his wife and two very small children on an investigatory trip to a very divided country in order to see if they should commit their lives to the mission field. We were discussing this when it led to talking about travel, and subsequently, his time in Iraq. We got on the subject of infantry, insurgence, and eventually, the enemy. He said that as a Christian, he had always heard and talked about loving his enemy. He described his experiences, “It was really surreal to think that someone was trying to kill me, and he had never seen me before. It was my literal enemy, and I realized what it meant to love my enemy.”

While I was talking to him, I thought about what an incredible message this is that Christ has for us, and how deliberate he is to teach his followers to forgive, to be better, to make the world a better place by not carrying hatred around, instead, using love and forgiveness to truly change the world.

My friend went on to say, “I realized then that Christ truly is the only thing that could bring change to our world…our efforts to bring change are really only mitigating the damage.”

The change of hearts is a battle that can’t be won by slick diplomacy or wars, it’s changed from the inside, from the heart. What does it mean to pray for your enemy? To consider their best interest? To want to see them experience the same liberation from the bonds of hatred that you yourself have received, and imagine them experiencing it?. Think about this scenario with imagination. Consider the conflicts that you are aware of on the global theatre, consider those in your own life.

What does this mean to you? Christ’s words are more than just suggestions and a few good ideas. They are instructions on how to live the kingdom life, that is, how to bring heaven to earth. To live as transformed beings, in the midst of a failing and futile humanity.

Christs message is redemption. God wants to redeem this world from its broken state, and it is available now. As he put it, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand.”

Create a viable tv/movie viewing option for the iPhone.

Isn’t there something like this for the iPad?

Anyway, some company may have created this, but I want to give netflix the money instead. This could be another tier in their plans, mobile viewing through webkit enabled devices and iphones. I think it’d be great, but its not a huge bummer if they don’t allocate their resources to it.

Hulu on set-top boxes.

Seems like this would be a good move right? How much more would you use this service if it weren’t only through your computer? I realize that some folks only use their computers for entertainment, but it’d be really cool if this option existed. I’d use it like crazy.

Although, I guess that’s what TV is.

Build-your-own entertainment plan.

If there was an option to pay like 5 bucks a month and choose any channel. I think I’d be up for it. I enjoy Discovery Channel and Food Network enough that I might shell out 4-5 bucks a month for each.

My Idea: The network channels would just stream the feed through an internet connection. The channels would run 100% like they do now, including all the advertisements at programming. The networks would get a cut of the cost to make it more appetizing.

Rent movies with a 24 hour limit

I don’t understand why this is not currently available. I realize that Xbox Live and Amazon.com have on demand watching capabilities. But they’re both too high. Redbox is $1 a day, and they use DVDs, is bandwidth cost so much more (seriously, would it be more expensive? I honestly don’t know).

My Idea: When you rent movies (older movies $1, $2 for new releases), the rental fee is added to your account.

This past winter was very frustrating with all the snow. We were stuck inside a lot and with a one-year-old, it’s not much fun being cooped up in the house. As soon as the spring came we felt liberated from the oppressive weather of winter. The sun was out and we could be outside, since then, we’ve spent most of our days playing in the sun with our daughter.

Since we decided that we would be staying in our house, we’ve found so much more appreciation for it. When we came home from vacation two days ago, we were so glad to be home. One real benefit of living in a townhouse when my daughter is this age is that our Saturdays belong to us. So instead of mowing the yard, I’m playing in the pool.

We inflated my daughter's large pool and hung out in it for a couple hours. Its all we need.

And after a wave of nostalgia covered me, I changed dinner plans to accommodate this last night:

I went to the grocery store to pick up some things and saw these long coney dogs. I couldn't resist

It’s been over a month and we haven’t had one person come to see our house. This past week my wife and I have both resolved to stay, and I’m ok with that. It is the case that when you want something, if you wait, the desire subsides and appreciation for the conservative path emerges. In this case: staying in our current house.

I put a years worth of work into this house. For a full year, from three months before my daughter was born until three months before her first birthday, I would come home, and every night spend 2-4 hours working in my basement; framing walls, pulling electrical cable, laying insulation, hanging drywall, flooring and painting.

It’s been almost a year since I finished, and we are going to have a baby in October. In hindsight, it makes me very glad I put all that time and energy into adding this space. We are now at a place we weren’t before (with regards to square footage/rooms).

I love our home, I love our neighbors and our neighborhood, and it’s pretty cheap. I’m happy here, there’s a huge yard for my daughter to run and play, we can take walks through the neighborhood in the evenings, and enjoy the ease of not maintaining the yard.

This whole process of putting our house up for sell has been far different than I anticipated, and surprisingly emotional. It’s taken me on an interesting journey, and is currently about being happy with what I have.

I’m now finding myself able yo relate to them more than I realized even today. Our home has been on the market since Monday (7 days at this writing) and hasn’t had any activity at all. To make matters worse, there are 8 homes for sale in my subdivision alone.

It’s easy to become discouraged with the situation, especially when I find a house that I like but am unable to have any bargaining power b/c my house isn’t close to selling. Last night I saw a nice home at a very nice price (looks like it was a foreclosure property) and was filled with an insatiable sense of urgency and desire. I told my wife, “I can’t know about these things. When I can’t do anything. It makes me so frustrated.” She replied, “Well, who do you need to be talking to about it?”

Good advice.

This is not to say that the house I like won’t sell while we’re waiting for ours to sell, but it does mean that this is yet another opportunity to grow in my dependence, trust, and knowledge of God.

He is in control of this situation, and even though I wish I could see him a little clearer sometimes, I know that he’s with us and have to trust him. That is how our earliest biblical leaders were taught to live, and it still applies today.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

1) I didn’t know how much work this would be

I realize that probably sounds silly, but it’s true. Showing your house is not dissimilar to waiting for a baby to be born. You never know when you’re going to have to get out quickly, and you’re always trying to stay prepared. For us, right now that means cleaning up after ourselves and Hannah constantly. It’s a habit I’m glad to adopt, but it doesn’t make for easy Saturdays. We’re also always waiting for the phone to ring in hopes that it will be someone who wants to see the house. So far, we’ve gotten no traffic…it’s day 6. We’ll see how it goes.

2) I’m reminded of how much I want to control the situation.

I realize that my trust, security, and faith should be in God to take care of us in this process, that the unknowns I have to leave up to Him, but I continually find myself stretching out to try to control what is unknown…”How can I plan ahead to buy what we want? Is there a way to earn several thousand dollars before we actually buy one so that we can have a larger downpayment, thus a lower monthly one?” All these things that I know in my head are spinning my wheels. And that’s where I’m at.

Our home now is small, but we’re happy with it, and aren’t really cramped for space, we like living here, we like living below our means, but as I’m shopping for houses, I find myself wanting more. It’s kind of like how I’m not concerned about a big screen TV until I go to Wal-Mart and see ‘em, then I want one. Except I won’t pay for a TV for the next 30 years of my life.

God, help me to be still, and know that you are present. Give me the strength to let go of the things I hold so tightly to. Allow me to see clearly that all of my efforts fall short to your plan and provision. You are in control, not me. Make my heart understand what my head already knows.

In 2006, a friend of mine asked me if while I had a break over the summer I wouldn’t mind helping his boss at a sign shop while he was on vacation.  With my background in graphics, he thought it would be a good fit for me to help for the week. I did, then got offered a job, then worked there for the next year.

In 2007, I thought I might want to be an engineer, so I started going to school for it. Meanwhile I got a job at an engineering company, using my graphic design degree as a graphic technician. I worked with their proprietary software and code syntax and got very good at it. I enjoyed this part of the job more than anything else and quickly realized that being an engineer wasn’t what I wanted to do. I dropped my Math classes and discontinued the 6 year path toward an engineering degree.

In 2008 I started attending a new church where my wife joined a pregnant women’s group. For a long time I had been interested in making websites and wanted to do it more often, but had never found an avenue to make an income at it. When my wife told me that one of the women in her group’s husband was a web developer I jumped at the chance to pick his brain. A few months later, he offered me a job. The job I currently have, I love. Every day I enjoy my work.